Have you ever seen The Simpsons episode where Homer and Marge tell Bart they are taking him to Disneyland, but they end up taking him to military school instead? (See S8E25.) For fans of both sides of the North London Derby, this match-up is their Disneyland of sorts. The anticipation leading up to it is filled with optimism, despite the knowledge from previous trips that the odds of something calamitous occurring are usually equal, if not greater, than the odds of leaving the park really feeling like it’s actually the happiest place on earth. At the end of the day, you either beg to be taken home like the deshoveled Bart realizing his torturous future, or you stand upon the premises like Lisa, filled with beaming potential and finally equipped to reach it fully.
Unfortunately for Spurs, we are Bart in this scenario, literally being taken to school, kicking and screaming that this isn’t fair, yet in reality, everything Tottenham has done on and off the pitch since their Champions League Final loss led directly to the bludgeoning Spurs succumbed to in this season’s first edition of the North London Derby.
Playing Not To Lose…But Then Getting Your Face Kicked In
Moments after lineups were announced, Thomas Frank’s decision to go with a 3-4-2-1 without Pedro Porro or Xavi Simons immediately trickled trepidation into the minds of the fanbase like a cold raindrop down their warm backs. Where was the attack going to come from? Will they be able to create with this XI? Who is going to be the difference maker?
These questions, while all solid, didn’t really matter. Because the five defenders slated to protect us from a loss actually became the problem that sank this ship mere minutes into the most dreadful performance by the Spurs under Frank.
On paper, putting Destiny Udogie, Micky Van de Ven, Cristian Romero, Kevin Danso, and Djed Spence in the box to protect against a top xG offense is a rather astute plan. Sadly, when the players haven’t had time to train together on this relatively new way of defending, it will immediately turn to garbage. Of the five mentioned defenders, only Udogie did not go galavanting on International duty rather than training for quite possibly the most crucial game of their club team’s season. I understand the importance of playing for your country. However, some of these caps were not entirely necessary given the World Cup status of their country’s teams.
The disconnect between the defenders and their given responsibilities became apparent rather quickly. The Gunners’ first opportunity came with just two minutes and 20 seconds into the game, largely thanks to a defense bunch-up that would make my 10u team proud. Just see for yourself:
Four Spurs just looking at the ball lofted so gently over their heads.
From this point on, Spurs fans knew it was only a matter of time before Arsenal would get one past them, and keeping them to only one would be a miracle if something didn’t change. Things did not change. Although Spurs enjoyed a little over half an hour of scoreboard equality, like Noah without an ark, the floodgates opened viciously upon Spurs as the half neared its end, leaving them drowning in misery and despair for the remainder of the evening.
The communication breakdown for Leandro Trossard’s 36-minute goal was palpable. Trossard runs past Spence and Danso, with Spence staring right at the Belgian international as he perfectly starts his goal-scoring run. Spence raises his hand to plead for offside, but he might as well have been raising his hand saying, “My bad.” If you don’t want to see the horror, look away now.
After that, Eze’s hat trick felt like the inevitability of Iron Man’s snap. Everything since the offseason snub by the Arsenal Academy product felt like it would come and bite Tottenham right in the behind. It not only did that, but also bit them in the junk and all over the face. The aftermath of Eze left our squad with a recognizable identity, forcing Spurs to scurry into the sewers, desperately hoping help would come. Help isn’t coming, and the future is only getting tougher.
Losing With and Without the Ball
Spurs’ inability to maintain possession after finding a way to disrupt Arsenal’s persistent attack ended up being the file that crashed Tottenham’s hard drive, sending them spiraling towards the blue screen of doom. In the first half, Spurs only made 130 passes, compared to Arsenal’s 275. 85% of all passes in the first half occurred in the middle or Spurs’ defensive thirds. It honestly just felt like a game of keep-away, where the Spurs were running from station to station, hoping for someone to make an errant pass.
Throwing up zeros in xG, total shots, and chances in the first half really paints the entire picture for Tottenham’s attack, which, while not wholly unexpected, especially after digesting the Starting XI, still sucked hope from your soul as if a dementor had just waltzed its way into your room. Although their statistical numbers slightly improved in the second half, it was already too little, too late, and any opportunities created just seemed like a Dad letting his kid make a juke a move on him.
Spurs produced a depressing three shots on goal the entire match. And look where these shots came from:
Richarlison’s goal was probably the most asinine of the lot. It’s lovely that he prevented the Gunners from keeping another clean sheet at home, but the goal gives Richy more relevance at the striker position than he really deserves. The Brazilian’s five goals top the Spurs’ goal list, yet he somehow always feels like the worst option amongst the entire group of vanilla attackers. Tottenham definitely deserved to be shut out, and this “silver lining” is hardly enough to change the minds of any Spurs fan that there is anyone within its ranks who will provide a spark up front.
At the end of the aforementioned The Simpsons episode, Bart evolves and learns that structure and support are essential for the success of both the Simpson children. Without stability, the ability to overcome the roadblocks and barriers that prevent people from reaching their full potential becomes increasingly tricky. Whether you are Bart (Tottenham) or Lisa (Arsenal), the lesson learned here is that while optimism is great, without hard work and an achievable game plan, all positive thoughts eventually turn to shit.
With PSG just over the horizon, Frank’s coaching seat will be warming up to uncomfortable temperatures if even the slightest improvements are not seen in the near future.
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